How random is it that the 9 times I used the word blog in my previous post were flagged by spell checker???

Maybe I meant to type bog, log, blag, bloc, biog, bldg, blow, blob, blot, clog, flog, or slog?

Current Mood: huh?

So I'm a blog hoverer... I read my friend Stephen's blog almost every day and hope that he's posted something. When I first started my blog, is that what people expected of me? To post something almost every day so that there would be something to read? Some tidbit of information that I wouldn't reveal on our next meeting?

Did I stop writing because I didn't think it was worth it? That really Stephen, and maybe other people who read HIS blog, was the only one reading what I had to say (which isn't all that much I'm afraid)? Did I feel that I saw Stephen often enough that I didn't need to post to my blog? I think so.

I didn't really publicize my blog to family & friends because I wasn't sure I would keep it up. I had intended to keep a blog so that people I didn't see/talk to all that often would know what was going on with me & John.

But it turns out that I think what I really want is time to write in my journal... Documenting our daily lives... Our ups and downs... MY ups and downs... Do I want to put that on the internet for anyone to read? Do I think I can do a good job of keeping up with friends without a blog AND still write in my journal? Probably not. But I'll certainly keep trying.

And perhaps I'll update my blog once in a while, too, in the off-chance that what I have to say will be thought-provoking...

Current Mood: contemplative

I have a diagnosis for all the pain I've been in on and off for the last few years... Cluster Headaches.

Sunday I was complaining of a headache that didn't get any better no matter how much water or caffiene I ingested. This isn't the first time I've had headaches, but I used to only get them at most once a month. Seemed to have something to do with my pill and the drop off of estrogen at the end of the cycle.

Well, I was starting to get suspicious that this was the only cause when I'd had another headache only THREE weeks earlier. When nothing seemed to help on Sunday and I basically tossed and turned all night because of the pain in my head, I decided to make a doctor's appt. when I finally got out of bed crying from the pain I was experiencing. And I mean CRYING...

I was happy to get an 8:40 appt with my doctor. John drove me because the light outside was too much for my eyes to take. So the doctor asked the usual questions and asked about the pill. She thought it was a good idea for me to come off it and see if that's what's causing the problem (she also suggested coming off caffiene too). Then she noticed something a little unusual about my face. The left side was swollen, my eyelid was droopy and when she tested my pupils the left one didn't seem to be responding to light. That information coupled with the fact that the most pain I was experiencing was over my left eye led her to the conclusion that I was suffering from cluster headaches. (http://www.webmd.com/content/article/46/1826_50688.htm)

Just my luck, Cluster Headaches can be 100 times more intense than migraines... great. So she prescribed me a migraine medication that cost WAY more than I was expecting. I took one at 10 and for the next hour I wanted to die. The nausea was out of control and the top 1/2 of my body ached SO bad. By 11 I was out cold and slept until 4:30. It finally killed the pain enough that I could sleep. So Monday was a lost day. I felt a little better later on, but still had that nagging full forehead headache. Ibuprofen is my best friend these days.

I went to work on Tuesday, but only lasted until 1:30. The lights in the office and the constant chatter were taking their toll on my headache. I felt better this morning, but it's only now at 2:15 on Wednesday where I'd say I'm at 95%. I had a decaf mocha to try to trick my body, but who knows what's causing my headache today: caffiene withdrawal? female issues? left-over headache?

I'm just happy that I might actually be able to do something using my eyes this evening instead of spending it with a pillow, mask, or blanket over my face. I just hope I figure out what causes them and then make it go away. Cluster headaches suck and I hope I never have to go through that again.

Current Mood: achy

Yeah yeah, it's been a while, but it's not like anyone is actually reading this thing, right?

So late last week I feel like I turned a corner in this wedding planning/marriage prep thing.

Two weeks ago I officially had my freakout session where I doubted the entire reason for the whole thing. I was scared and mad and highly doubtful that I could make this thing work. But talking it out with J really helped to diffuse the situation. He's such a good guy! Instead of just throwing his hands up at the whole thing and me, he listened to what I had to say and we came up with ways to tackle it together. Unfortunately the thing *I* need to keep working on is to not let things fester. I don't like to rock the boat, but when I can't take it anymore it (I) gets ugly.

So it wasn't an immediate 180. There were some tears, some more conversations, some LISTENING sessions (a very important skill that we had somehow managed to forget), and some more tears.

We also managed to take a break from all the crazy wedding planning to have some fun! I know! We forgot to have fun, but we're better now... Last weekend we actually went to see a movie (A Scanner Darkly if you must know), had lunch out, sat by a fountain (ok so I was writing bridal shower thank yous, but we were outside!) went for a walk, had dinner with a college friend who was in town, went to the Gilroy Garlic Festival for a few hours AND managed to get drunk with our neighbors at an impromptu courtyard party! Ok, we also met with our photographer for 2.5 hours, but even THAT seemed fun!

What it really comes down to is that I love this man! I'm not always going to be floating on cloud nine, but when that happens it doesn't mean I don't love him. It just means I'm human. We've been together for so many years that I can't imagine my life without him. We're such a great team and as long as we can keep communicating, we're going to be great!

So now I feel a little better about where we stand. Yeah, we still have a lot to do, but at least the list seems finite now. It's not like finishing one thing on the list makes 4+ other things get added to the list. Invite list is done so no more 'discussions' about that. I'm still trying to get at least ONE thing done a day. Seems pretty reasonable and I'm not freaking out too much. Of course, I do reserve the right to get stressed again a week before the wedding, but then I can always put my family to work helping with stuff which is really the reason they wanted to be in town so early anyway... right? =)

Current Mood: calm

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed today... Weird because I spent the entire 4 day weekend feeling totally relaxed and just went with the flow.

But now that the 4 day weekend has 'flowed' into a 3 day work week, I feel overwhelmed by everything I have to do this week.

I have to be here on Saturday to do upgrades to our retail system. I'm PRETTY sure I have my ducks in a row on that one, but one can never be totally sure that that's the case until you run into that ONE snag that you didn't see coming.

I have all of my normal work-related activities to do this week, but now I only have 3 days to do them. Plus some extra stuff came up this week that has to get taken care of.

And to make things more interesting, I'm premenstrual so I have a heightened sense of panic and inability to focus. Wonderful.

I'm just trying to breath and take on one thing at a time. Lists help.

Wedding planning doesn't. =)

Current Mood: distracted

So I think that Stephen and I are the LAST people in the world to see Da Vinci Code. I'm glad we got to see it!

Back in early May, Stephen and Kimi's birthday gift to me was to go see a movie of my choice and depending on the movie one of them would go see it with me while the other would babysit Sammy. Now I have to admit this was a difficult decision because I feel like I was giving someone a reward and sending the other person to exile island. Not that Sammy is a hard kid to babysit, but you get the picture.

Well, nothing has hit the theatres this summer that I would consider a chick-flick... the choice was really among action/thrillers - TOTAL Stephen-like movies. I had read the book YEARS ago when I worked at ScrapAttack in San Raphael... Took me just a few days to get through that page-turning thriller. I can't say that about too many books in my life!

So I can't speak for Stephen, but I really enjoyed the movie. I MIGHT have enjoyed the movie more if I hadn't read the book though. Even though I didn't remember some of the smaller details (like the code-cracking stuff), I did remember who the good guys were and who the bad guys were. I think that took some of the suspense part out of the film because I remember it being REALLY suspenseful when I was reading it.

I also enjoyed the little history lesson in the middle about all the stuff regarding the Knights Templar and how the Catholic church came to be. Very boiled down for the big-screen, but still useful information even for a Catholic who never REALLY knew where her religion came from.

Well, thank you Stephen and Kimi for my birthday present! I'm glad I got to see it on the big screen!

Current Mood: content

Yes, it's hot... REALLY hot! I had to turn on my air conditioning on my way TO work this morning - unheard of for me!

Well, at least when it's hot and you're at work and you want to make small talk at the water cooler, you can always talk about the weather!

Current Mood: hot

Bought my wedding ring last night! Woohoo! Can't wait to pick it up in a few weeks! It's so shiny... Too bad I still have to wait 2 months until I can wear it! =)

Unfortunately the elation about the ring wore off at about 10pm last night when J & I had (what I would call) a fight about the wedding ceremony. I was pretty upset because it seemed to me that he wanted to take the word God out of the ceremony... the CATHOLIC ceremony that he agreed to have. Well, we have a meeting with our priest again on Saturday. I hope & PRAY that we are able to come to a compromise that we are both happy with, because right now I'm not happy.

Current Mood: angry

So I'm not one to read reviews before going to see a movie... It usually only serves to confirm that it's a good movie or it makes me feel disappointed that I'm going to see a movie that critics didn't like. Either way, I'm just going to see a movie to be entertained. I learned a while ago to just go in to see a movie with low expectations and then I'm almost always entertained.

Last night I went to see 'A Prairie Home Companion'. I had no idea what it was about other than it sharing the same name as an NPR show that I catch on the weekends from time to time. I thought that since it had such a great line-up of cast members, how bad could it be? Plus I thought it would be fun to put faces to all of those voices I hear on the show. Then I found out it was a Robert Altman movie... Started to have mixed feelings about it. I'm 50/50 on liking his movies. But I have to tell you, I was THOROUGHLY entertained! The underlying plot was a little bizarre (it's about the show ending), but the acts and the singing were really well done! To see Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin singing and harmonizing with each other was a real treat for me. And in addition to a bunch of quippy one liners, Woody Harrelson and John C. Reilly did this totally amazing singing routine and this other set of 'bad jokes' set to music. And if Lindsay Lohan actually did her own singing, it was pretty good IMO.

Well, I was not disappointed at all! But I'm still 50/50 on Robert Altman. If it wasn't for the amazing talent of the actors, I don't know if the plot would hold water.

Current Mood: pleased

So is it just me? Or does everyone feel that since Memorial Day Weekend every work week has been entirely TOO LONG? Even just one extra day a week is just TOO LONG.

Summer just seems to remind me that deep down inside (well, not THAT deep down inside) I have the school kid mentality that this is the time of year when I'm supposed to play. Play all the time. Sun up to sun down. Lay on the beach. Dodge the waves. Go for hikes. Swim swim swim... Play in the sprinkler in the back yard. Garden (or at least pick my mom's green beans). Go the library. Read. Read. The list goes on and on. Boy do I miss being a kid.... sigh....

Current Mood: nostalgic